That is Completely UN Scriptural

While the feast of Unleavened Bread is still ongoing, I did have time to take a picture of the dinner from Passover. The menu this year did not include crackers.

It did include creamy horseradish mashed potatoes; dill, rosemary, and olive oil oven roasted vegetables (turnip, carrots, squash, zuchini); dark chocolate (beet sugar) dipped strawberries, various honey candies including somethig called truffles,  matzah, vegetable broth soup with cheese and green onion, zesty lima beans, garlic and cheese stufft olives, mozorella and tomatoe, and a few other things I have long since forgotten.

Some friends and I read Bible stories, discussed feral cats, and discussed some aspects of higher reality until about 6AM in the morning. The next day I was quite worn out.

The following evening I spent the Passover largely alone and eventually decided to sleep under the stars. It was nice having the full moon out and I just layed out in the back yard with some blankets and listened to the birds and insects sing. All together – not a bad 48 hours.

No crackers this time 🙂

So Friday morning I was in bed praying and what not and working with some positive intention type techniques I had read about. One of them was doing good for goodness’ sake, entering something called the “narrow gate“,  the mother of my children and I getting along better, etc. Be careful what you pray for, you just might get it! I know this probably sounds like me wearing a big flashing neon sign saying hey look at me, but that is not the purpose here…. read on and enjoy, hopefully!

I had fallen back into sleep after prayer, when my mother of the mother of my children calls me up. She asks me if I was still in the area (I was staying at a friend’s house to be closer to my kids) and if I know anything about plumbing. At first I think, “uh-oh”, but then realize my prayer had already been answered – chuckling internally. So I said, yes – it’s not my speciality, but I can do it if it is PVC. She said it was. She told me that a pipe had broken and she could use my help. Service with a smile here we come! As I fumbled around in the dark looking for my superhero cape, I began to form a plan. I told her that she needed to get the cleaner and glue; a saw; and extra PVC fittings ready so that we did not have any delay. I wanted to be there for my daughter at her Valentine’s celebration and we needed to have this project completed
by 1:30 PM.

I quickly got dressed and armed the alarm (so I think). I exit the building and put my friend’s dog back in the fenced area. I drive my car for the exit and lo and behold there is a problem. My friend had locked the gate. Ths was a major problem to performing service with a smile. I called my friend and he told me that to get through the gate,
I would need to open it from the other side. I begin to think of the allegory involved now. Wow – the gate to perform service has been locked and must be opened from the other side. He tells me to go get the key to the shed out of the house and that the tools would be located in the shed. I follow his instructions and realize I had not
properly armed the alarm! The shed possessing the key to the gate is then opened. I go and retrieve a wrench and proceed to work on loosening the gate from the other side. I swing the gate open and drive my car safely through. Nice metaphors here. Perhaps sometimes a gate is just a gate, yet I felt this was in alignment with my prayer.
My prayer was about entering through the “narrow gate” that morning. Perhaps the message could be that to get through the gate, I would have to have friend tell me about  another key and open it from the other side maybe and that it would be me with challenges that could be overcome? Who knows!

I then call my friend up and tell him I am through and decide to explain the allegory of the gate. I tell him I’m going “injun” (instead of talking about buffalo and owls, it is about gates and keys though) on him  and relate the story in my best big chief voice. He loves the story. I apologize for going injun, but had to tell someone.

I arrive at the mother of the mother of my children’s house to inspect the situation. This is worse than I thought. We use a screwdriver to unlock a panel leading
underneath her home. It smells like funk. Funk. Funk. Funk. I begin to see more allegory maybe. If the house is a symbol of my mind or her mind maybe, we are now about to get into the funk and crawl around in it. Perhaps this would be what pyschologists call the subconscious. All that gunk that is buried that we don’t want to deal with that is
underneath the surface of our mind! In an even further twist, the pipe that busted is a T joint direct underneath the bed where my wife used to sleep for over a year. I think about the allegory – a busted hot water pipe under the bed where my wife once slept while we were separated. Hot water is spraying underneath her bed. Can’t figure
anythign here for allegory, but I go on. I am told that the fitting and pipe are out in the shed. So I head outside and see a sea of cold water (about 60 feet in length and width) about 1 -2 feet deep between me and the shed. I have no rubber boots. Service with a smile I say – shall we change into a different person simply because of the cold?
Off we go – the cold becomes comfortable after awhile and at last I make to the door of the shed. I unlock the shed holding the parts and fittings. I search for fittings and find exactly what we need. 3/4 inch pipe – that is what the pipe said when I peered under the house! I grab a T and some couplers and off we go back through the sea of
about 38 degrees!

My mother in law supplies me with clothes for crawling around and off we go. I take a picture of the funk for writing up an inspirational blog article later – hopefully. I smell cat feces and all kinds of funk along the way. I wonder if this is what it was like being a Jewish kid who had to jump underneath a urinal in order to hide from the SS during the Nazi operations in WWII. I wonder if it is anywhere close. The cold is all over me, but it starts to become comfortable as my skin numbs. I finally reach the destination armed with pipe cutter, cleaner / glue, and other goodies.

Arrrgggggg – I brought the wrong size pipe! I brought the wrong size pipe! Arrrrggggh! I crawl back out of the tunnel of hell and come back to the surface. Glad to see the light of the sun pouring through the overhead panel, I tell my mother in law – Argggghhhh I got the wrong size pipe. I’m thinking to myself: “Foooool! you got the wrong pipe
size and you knew you should have compared to be sure!!”. So we go to the hardware store amd get the “proper” fittings and such.

We come back and go through the same process again. Arggggh – this pipe does not match! This pipe does not match!  There must be a special kind for hot water! Fool – I knew I should have showed the hardware store guy the piece of pipe that I brought with me to verify! Fool! Arrgggh!

It is time to go see the kids at Valentine’s at school so I rush off. I make it there with 5 minutes to spare. I begin rolling film for a web site for my family. We sit there playing all kinds of valentine’s games. Hannah makes a card that says “Mom and Dad In Love – Time”. I think – oh boy, the mother of my children is going to get upset over that one! Eventually out of the corner of my eye – I spot her, the mother of my children. I think to myself, why does she not come over here and be here for her daughter. Why does
she not come over here? I send Hannah over there to retreive her mother to play valentine’s games, but instead her mother retrieves my daughter! Arrrgggg!
Why is she not participatng in Valentine’s like everyone else! I say to myself – okay, give her a couple minutes to adjust and then go greet her. Perhaps she feels awkward or nervous. This is all about the kids – remember!

So I go up there and she is nervous. I say to her – joking with her to break the ice, hey are you too cool for us – you can come play Valentine’s bingo! It will be fun! She smiles and then points and says that it is “too much” – to much going on over there for her. She says it is too new and she can’t handle all that. I think to myself… okay
– she can’t be around me and would rather not play valentine’s games for my daughter’s special party, rather than overcome the awkwardness.
That is the part of me that feels rejected sometimes, but I remain aware enough to feel it this time and not get sucked in! Okay, I’ll get out of here to make it easy on her then! I say to her – “Where is our son’s party?”. She tells me the room. I watch her and she smiles several times, but is nervous. I guess I forgot how good looking I am
🙂

Off to my son’s we go. I take Corbin back to April’s and show him that my car is a transformer ( I had recently added a shiny tranformer logo just for the kids to my car). He loves it and asks me if the car can transform. Mamma shows up to the house and runs to tell her about it. I then get out of her hair and go back to my mother in law’s
armed with the write pipe fittings and pipe. I crawl back through the tunnel of hell and fix the pipe in record time before the sun goes down. I completed my work for the day and even remembered to do a couple of my mind exercises along the way!

As I think over the day, my mother in law and I walk through the events and the potential allegory and I retell some of it in my “injun” big chief voice as we sit in front of the fire-place. She makes me a quick vegetarian dinner and off I go – back to my friend’s house. His best LIVE OAK tree had fallen and we needed to move it before it fell on his shed! This was work for the next day though. Ah, the allegory for tomorrow! My friend sees a budlight commercial on TV and asks me – “Shohn, so what does this budlight commericial mean?”. I say to him, “I don’t know – perhaps that one is just for you”.

Once a person told me that she her phone kept calling at 3AM in the morning and it was driving her bonkers. I said to her, “Perhaps it is a wake-up call for you? :)” She says….. “Ooooooohhhhh, I never thought of it like that.”

This morning I had a dream and I thought I would share it to sort of walk-through my interpretative process.
Here are my notes:

Very thick dream. Had to do with my child-hood home. The dream opened in the Wal-mart parking lot. I went into a sort of resticted area / “employees only” type zone and found behind it a sort of big hallway tunnel leading upward to the back side of Wal-mart. It felt a bit like a cave though it wasn’t a cave. It just had that feel to it.  On the other side I found sort of an employee “housey” type area that had a little laptop and a joystick and some other things in a room. It felt like a miniature “neighborhood” within Wal-mart – small houses built inside Wal-mart. I wanted to take the laptop because it was small and would be excellent on physical security testing jobs, but decided not to. It was called “Psy”. I kept trying to rationalize taking it, but decided against doing so. I came up with some excuse that Wal-mart had plenty in profits and they weren’t even using it – it was just leftovers from some Christmas party that the employees had. The room had a feel of yesterday to it. As though no-one from Wal-mart even knew about this place, but it had been used in a time past. I think that is why I kept trying to rationalize taking a laptop that wasn’t mine.

I was then riding in the back seat of a truck with 2 rough individuals and I think got away from them. I aas then lead back to this place behind Wal-mart and saw Deacon G’s (someone I looked up to in my youth in the Catholic Church in my hometown) having his birthday being celebrated in front of a lot of people. I then went on a little bit further there was some lady reporter who was excited about going to the house of my childhood. I went there and my mom had prepared some sort of display. My child-hood house served as a place of business and a home. My dad and mom ran a used car business together.  She had placed car covers over all the cars on the car lot and it looked “nice”.

Went inside my old house and it was nice inside. I would describe it as “plush”. There were people with me. We were there for some sort of celebration, but I wasn’t sure what when I awoke. I went into the back of the house and there was one guy who came with me though I can’t remember who.  I saw that the present owner of my old house wasn’t there, but he lived like a pig – it was very messy. I’ve often wondered about the owner of my childhood home and have had multiple dreams about this house and the owner. There was stuff everywhere – old toothpaste bottles, dusty mirrors, etc. I looked into the bathroom and saw two floaters in the toilet and had sort of brown stuff blended into the water headed down. It was gross. I told the other guy, let’s get out of here man – we don’t need to be getting into this guy’s stuff.  So we got out and I woke up a short time later.

When I awoke, I figured I might as well try to interpret the dream so first I went back and forth through it in my head and then dictated it to my iPhone.

I thought about the message of the dream and noted that there was a mess in my old house and that there was another presence in the back of my childhood house that was living there and not flushing the toilets.  I started thinking about this as perhaps some nasty stuff in my childhood that I had not dealt with – perhaps a piece of me forgotten back there. A man who was not there, though his presence felt in my old house – living behind the curtain. Perhaps this points to a fragment or something trapped back there.

This brought up an associative memory as I was interpreting. When I was a kid, my dad used to drive a tractor trailer and would leave for extended periods. I used to be so excited when he would come back, but was sad to see him leave, or he would not be there because he was out working. I tend to have a fear of abandonment, so I think this may be where it initially came from and may explain the situation with my extranged wife. That is, why my soul / me would choose someone who would abandon me. I imagine that idea is that I needed to confront this fear.

As I thought about my journey over the last few years, I remembered that all of this began with a spurious thought to read my Bible because I didn’t want to be embarrassed entering the Pearly Gates not having read the Bible beginning to end.

I thought I would provide some of the things that shocked me the most during my journey.

Quoting from one of the sites that really did a mind job on me (http://reluctant-messenger.com/God-talking.htm)
Please don’t focus on the individual or the medium delivering this message; it only gets in the way of our connection. Focus on the message. If it seems like nonsense to you, that’s perfect, your most likely approach will be to ridicule it. That’s ok, it’s the built in mechanism imbedded in the message to prevent those who aren’t ready for it from waking up prematurely .

You’ve been asking for this for a long time. So don’t be surprised you get it. That is the first thing you need to learn about communicating with God. If you limit yourself to allowing the communication to express itself only through certain channels then you miss some. Sometimes it’s the urge to take the back road instead of the highway that you ignore. A few minutes later you wish you had heeded the urge because the traffic is snarled due to a major accident. So don’t ignore this message. It’s actually difficult to get anyone to listen to me, let alone write it all down.

You have a lot of questions and I have all the answers but you have to understand, since I know everything, my difficulty lies in picking the essentials you need to know.

Of course you want to know why I allow suffering. And I’ll get to who I am soon enough. But rather than deal with each question separately, I will give the highlights so you can experience the “aha” of solving the paradoxes in your mind yourself.

Who is God? In other words, who am I? The question could be phrased better. Who are we? They are all the same question. Once you understand why these three questions are all the same question you will have your answer.

If you have read this far without the nonsense-circuit kicking in then you are ready for the next step. You and I have always existed. We have always existed. We always will exist. The only unknown is how much suffering can we avoid?”

Lastly, here is a video that I think explains the Laws that seem to govern this place we live in and may even be able to educate today’s short attention spanned individuals: (http://www.kabbalah.info/engkab/what_is_kabbalah/what_is_kabbalah.htm)

The kids and I went to a local museum to check out some of the wild-life among other things. I’ve been trying to teach them about animals and science and how it relates to our development in the journey of the soul.

Here we see them learning by experience rather than in a book:

I’m not saying there is anything wrong with books, but rather supplemental education helps.

I’ve been doing more experimenting with lucid dreaming. Using galantamine, choline, etc. as suggested in the book advanced lucid dreaming: the power of supplements. I’ve had many successful lucid dreams over the last year and have been trying to tune this myself. This may not work for you  ;)  – the methodology and trial and error is what is important I think.

Wake up about 5:30 AM. Take the medley, stir around for a bit to make sure I’m good and awake and not groggy. Get back to bed. Temperature is nice and warm like sitting cozy by a fire.

I started seeing pre-dream imagery and was still conscious. Eventually I faded and found myself approaching the end of a long drive way which is my grandfather’s. Some relatives are there and I realize  I’m dreaming. I speculate about parallel dimensions for a second. Fade……. I am in another scene this time going on the dream – it is vivid, but not quite lucid. My kids are sliding down an icecube slide. I have an uncle of mine there. His hair is unusually grey/white. He looks happy, but old. Very old. It has only been a year since I saw him last. The divorce has really torn him down.

Fade…… I get sucked down into some kind of tunnel. I felt pressures all over my whole body, it went dark, vision faded, and I thought to myself – great – I’m returning back to an awakened state. At some points I felt like I was compressed into a “point” if that makes sense.  I was a bit frustrated by this turn of events, but was glad I got to experience the tunnel effect. I had experienced it going “outbound” into dream state, but never inbound to waking awareness before. I was sort of hoping I might be being taken to the “kingdom of God” for a nice little 5dimensional review of my life maybe. Maybe I can’t handle it just yet. I say some prayers and ask for this. Not this time apparently. I awaken in bed, but it is not my bed in this realm. It is different. I look around and look at my toes. Vision fades in and out. I know that I’m probably strattling the edge of being “awake” an dreaming and so I I try some exercises to maintain consciousness. I try the lucid dreaming “spin” technique and then I tried looking at my hands. I see my hands. Yay! They are faded sort of. Vision comes back in – yay the signal to noise ratio is corrected! I walk around the dream setting. I see some of my art on a wall. The area is like a wooden automative shop that I’ve turned into a house or apartment somehow. I look around at the refrigerator and I think well, I better leave this duct tape in the fridge as a reminder to myself that I’m dreaming just in case. I’m not sure what I was thinking with that plan or where the duct tape came from. Consciousness starts to fade so I grab some ice out of the fridge and touch it to my skin. Brrrrrrr.. that’ll wake you up! I go to look in a mirror. It is my current waking life body, but my beard is gone. I turn around and look into another mirror and my beard is back. I think okay, let’s get out of here. Time to try out flying. I look for the exit and find it. I find myself outside and my vision starts to fade again. I notice some color from the trees and focus on that and the sunlight. It brings the vision back after about 10-15 seconds.

I look around at the neighborhood. Trees, some victorian homes, it is in a modern city from this time frame judging by the cars, but I don’t recognize the city. I say to myself – “let’s freak out the locals and fly”. I head to the street – vision fades again. Dang! I focus on the green from the trees and the light from the sun again. I flap my arms just once with a mighty push off and I find myself weightless and soaring through the air. Vision returns. I think to myself – perhaps I should engage my walk-through-walls powers in case I fall down and get hit by a car.

My son kicks my leg – I feel my consciousness becoming “split”. I feel my body laying there in bed and flying at the same time. Vision fades fast. I wake up. Wow.

It feels like trying to control a gigantic balloon at this point. Once I become aware that I’m dreaming, it tends to fade in and out.

I liked this:

“Fear is the lock and laughter is they key to you heart”.

Knowing that within us is a multitude! We are many within!  I am Legion, etc. There are parts of us that when backed into a corner will become “evil”. There are parts that are happy. The idea is to recongize this fact and attempt to love the entirety of you and try to bring these other parts of you forward into wholeness and completion.

I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve woken up and found myself in a sad or alone mood considering all that is going on in my family at present   I had recently learned that you can’t “negate the negative” of our emotions. You have to feel them, yet somehow not allow the victim part of our mind to take over and go into “race mind”.

I’ve found one solution is to tell that victim part of me a joke. That seems to help that part of me not take itself so seriously and bring itself forward.

As reported in Time Magazine on August 4, 1952, Harry T. Rowe, Los Angeles Mortuary Director of the Forest Lawn Memorial Park Cemetery in Glendale, California where Yogananda’s body was embalmed,^[28][29] stated in a notarized letter:

The absence of any visual signs of decay in the dead body of Paramahansa Yogananda offers the most extraordinary case in our experience…. No physical disintegration was visible in his body even twenty days after death…. No indication of mold was visible on his skin, and no visible drying up took place in the bodily tissues. This state of perfect preservation of a body is, so far as we know from mortuary annals, an unparalleled one…. No odor of decay emanated from his body at any time….

Day 10 is here.  Weight is holding at 210lbs for now. We are half-way to our goal of 20 days. I had a fresh blended vegetable drink yesterday (cucumber, tomatoe,  lettuce). In addition, I had prune juice and black currant nectar juice.I also started sipping dandelion tea for the liver I think and made milkweed tea from straight milkweed. Milkweed is known to rebuild the liver over a course of 4 – 6 weeks. A sluggish liver may contribute to my difficulties with weight regulation.

I made another gallon of the lemonade concoction today.

During the fast, I have found it helpful to clean house literally and within my soul as I do this fast. Letting go of old things. I’ve also been taking dead sea salt baths about every two days. My skin feels tingly for about an hour after getting out of a salt-bath.

Cleaned out some more rooms with the kids help today. Next step is to begin painting the rooms.

Had some interesting dreams last night that I am still working on interpreting.

Pants are fitting loose now. I upped the dosage on my senna tea. It seems I have developed a bit of a conditioned response to the salt water flush. I get a heachache even thinking about it.

I found myself fighting off urges for “meat” for the first time in over 1.5 years. This was surprising.

I had a little cream of mushroom soup last night. I had a little bit of coconut milk based ice cream yesterday as well.  Took the kids to McDonalds and got them “veggie” burgers. I had to fight of the urge to get myself a “veggie” burger. They loved theirs. Told me how awesome it was. I had McDonald’s add extra cheese.

Weight is 210lbs give or take .5lbs.  That means probably about .5lb loss per day given that the first 5lbs was just emptying out the digestive tract. 5lbs of stuff being carried around in my digestive tract. Wow.  I guess I may make it 208-207lbs by Sunday at present rate.

Feeling mentally sharp still.