Archive for the 'Walking' Category

Dream Toilets

Thursday, January 28th, 2010

This morning I had a dream and I thought I would share it to sort of walk-through my interpretative process.
Here are my notes:

Very thick dream. Had to do with my child-hood home. The dream opened in the Wal-mart parking lot. I went into a sort of resticted area / “employees only” type zone and found behind it a sort of big hallway tunnel leading upward to the back side of Wal-mart. It felt a bit like a cave though it wasn’t a cave. It just had that feel to it.  On the other side I found sort of an employee “housey” type area that had a little laptop and a joystick and some other things in a room. It felt like a miniature “neighborhood” within Wal-mart – small houses built inside Wal-mart. I wanted to take the laptop because it was small and would be excellent on physical security testing jobs, but decided not to. It was called “Psy”. I kept trying to rationalize taking it, but decided against doing so. I came up with some excuse that Wal-mart had plenty in profits and they weren’t even using it – it was just leftovers from some Christmas party that the employees had. The room had a feel of yesterday to it. As though no-one from Wal-mart even knew about this place, but it had been used in a time past. I think that is why I kept trying to rationalize taking a laptop that wasn’t mine.

I was then riding in the back seat of a truck with 2 rough individuals and I think got away from them. I aas then lead back to this place behind Wal-mart and saw Deacon G’s (someone I looked up to in my youth in the Catholic Church in my hometown) having his birthday being celebrated in front of a lot of people. I then went on a little bit further there was some lady reporter who was excited about going to the house of my childhood. I went there and my mom had prepared some sort of display. My child-hood house served as a place of business and a home. My dad and mom ran a used car business together.  She had placed car covers over all the cars on the car lot and it looked “nice”.

Went inside my old house and it was nice inside. I would describe it as “plush”. There were people with me. We were there for some sort of celebration, but I wasn’t sure what when I awoke. I went into the back of the house and there was one guy who came with me though I can’t remember who.  I saw that the present owner of my old house wasn’t there, but he lived like a pig – it was very messy. I’ve often wondered about the owner of my childhood home and have had multiple dreams about this house and the owner. There was stuff everywhere – old toothpaste bottles, dusty mirrors, etc. I looked into the bathroom and saw two floaters in the toilet and had sort of brown stuff blended into the water headed down. It was gross. I told the other guy, let’s get out of here man – we don’t need to be getting into this guy’s stuff.  So we got out and I woke up a short time later.

When I awoke, I figured I might as well try to interpret the dream so first I went back and forth through it in my head and then dictated it to my iPhone.

I thought about the message of the dream and noted that there was a mess in my old house and that there was another presence in the back of my childhood house that was living there and not flushing the toilets.  I started thinking about this as perhaps some nasty stuff in my childhood that I had not dealt with – perhaps a piece of me forgotten back there. A man who was not there, though his presence felt in my old house – living behind the curtain. Perhaps this points to a fragment or something trapped back there.

This brought up an associative memory as I was interpreting. When I was a kid, my dad used to drive a tractor trailer and would leave for extended periods. I used to be so excited when he would come back, but was sad to see him leave, or he would not be there because he was out working. I tend to have a fear of abandonment, so I think this may be where it initially came from and may explain the situation with my extranged wife. That is, why my soul / me would choose someone who would abandon me. I imagine that idea is that I needed to confront this fear.

Shock Treatment

Friday, January 15th, 2010

As I thought about my journey over the last few years, I remembered that all of this began with a spurious thought to read my Bible because I didn’t want to be embarrassed entering the Pearly Gates not having read the Bible beginning to end.

I thought I would provide some of the things that shocked me the most during my journey.

Quoting from one of the sites that really did a mind job on me (
Please don’t focus on the individual or the medium delivering this message; it only gets in the way of our connection. Focus on the message. If it seems like nonsense to you, that’s perfect, your most likely approach will be to ridicule it. That’s ok, it’s the built in mechanism imbedded in the message to prevent those who aren’t ready for it from waking up prematurely .

You’ve been asking for this for a long time. So don’t be surprised you get it. That is the first thing you need to learn about communicating with God. If you limit yourself to allowing the communication to express itself only through certain channels then you miss some. Sometimes it’s the urge to take the back road instead of the highway that you ignore. A few minutes later you wish you had heeded the urge because the traffic is snarled due to a major accident. So don’t ignore this message. It’s actually difficult to get anyone to listen to me, let alone write it all down.

You have a lot of questions and I have all the answers but you have to understand, since I know everything, my difficulty lies in picking the essentials you need to know.

Of course you want to know why I allow suffering. And I’ll get to who I am soon enough. But rather than deal with each question separately, I will give the highlights so you can experience the “aha” of solving the paradoxes in your mind yourself.

Who is God? In other words, who am I? The question could be phrased better. Who are we? They are all the same question. Once you understand why these three questions are all the same question you will have your answer.

If you have read this far without the nonsense-circuit kicking in then you are ready for the next step. You and I have always existed. We have always existed. We always will exist. The only unknown is how much suffering can we avoid?”

Lastly, here is a video that I think explains the Laws that seem to govern this place we live in and may even be able to educate today’s short attention spanned individuals: (

Doobie Brothers Jokes

Monday, December 7th, 2009

I liked this:

“Fear is the lock and laughter is they key to you heart”.

Knowing that within us is a multitude! We are many within!  I am Legion, etc. There are parts of us that when backed into a corner will become “evil”. There are parts that are happy. The idea is to recongize this fact and attempt to love the entirety of you and try to bring these other parts of you forward into wholeness and completion.

I can’t tell you how many mornings I’ve woken up and found myself in a sad or alone mood considering all that is going on in my family at present   I had recently learned that you can’t “negate the negative” of our emotions. You have to feel them, yet somehow not allow the victim part of our mind to take over and go into “race mind”.

I’ve found one solution is to tell that victim part of me a joke. That seems to help that part of me not take itself so seriously and bring itself forward.

Allegorical Considerations

Monday, November 16th, 2009

I live in an empty 5 bedroom home. Perhaps there is an allegory that. Perhaps the 5 rooms represent my 5 senses and the emptiness in the home signifies that the 5 senses point towards my aloneness.

I noted that the entrance to my home is Jacob’s Well and that on the back side the entrace is called gateway. If only I had another street named providence as entry into the neighbordhood.

Recently I have begun to explore the options of selling our home. It seems that I may be able to afford enough to live in a camper with a small truck. This would be nice I think. Perhaps I should try this first.

Consciousness Calendar

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

 Let’s see. I’ve got my iPod all setup with a calendar for practice of consciousness. With the supposed movement away from the mercury retrograde cycle, my energy levels have started to come back, though I am unsure if that was the cause.


Will I read this 6 months from now and realize I failed and got caught by the twist of the ol’ Octave?

Raining Dogs and Cats

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

In a bit of history I learned about life in the 1500s it was said that back then:

“Houses had thatched roofs-thick straw-piled high, with no wood underneath. It was the only place for animals to get warm, so all the cats and other small animals (mice, bugs) lived in the roof. When it rained it became slippery and sometimes the animals would slip and fall off the roof. Hence the saying It’s raining cats and dogs.”

Well, it is raining a different kind of Dogs and Cats in China. I recently read that in China/Korea people torture dogs/cats before they are killed because they believe it gives a better flavor. I’m shocked beyond belief by this statement, though I do not know whether it is true.

I also find the topic of this url below shocking, yet parts of me do not find the killing of cows shocking:

Quoting the above article:

China’s dogs & cats are boiled, stabbed, drowned, bludgeoned, strangled, poisoned, hanged, and electrocuted…experiencing unbearable pain as their legs are routinely broken while trussed up and hung in local markets for human consumption, or skinned alive and cast off like garbage, for the despicable fur trade.

Dogs [both owned and stray] are relentlessly hunted down by ‘police authorized’ roving mobs and savagely beaten to death by the hundreds of thousands, in the name of ‘rabies’ control

I was raised in a culture where the killing of cows was acceptable, and the killing of dogs was not. I recall watching years ago on the television program, Law & Order, a case about the killing of horses. The horse killer got into major trouble, yet the cows were no big deal.

Aren’t humans funny?

Fragments or Quirks?

Thursday, June 18th, 2009

I thought I would take down some notes and things I’ve observed recently.

In some of others’ past writings I’ve noted that picking up insights and such was mentioned and how that can be thrown off with too much of a certain type of thinking, etc.

I’ve been trying to figure this out more myself and have noted that I seem to come up with my best thoughts while in the shower. I’ve tried salt baths and such, but invariably (for now) I tend to get in a rush to get out of the tub and thus very limited insights come during a bath. The shower is a whole different matter for me though – at this present time. The point here is to experiment, because it seems that everyone is different.

As I was coming up the stairs this morning, I identified some interesting personality quirks. As I thought about these, I realized where they had come from. I was once in a bar with a bunch of Canadian firemen and picked up the expression “, eh?”. On a similar level, I picked up a certain facial expression from a former boss of mine for indicating disapproval without making a big fuss about something. In addition, there are certain words and phrases I will catch myself saying that are from this former boss of mine who was Australian – so from time to time, I’ll find myself switching into a bit of an Aussie expression on certain sentences or words.

Is this a fragment / quirk to work on?

I’m not sure.

Do these really matter? Probably not, but if it can help with identifying greater parts to work on then it is at least a starting point.

That’s Deep Man

Wednesday, June 10th, 2009

For some reason a couple of people gave kudos  for the message below, so maybe it will help someone else.



Shalom ______,

Speaking of power, through out your life, as you look back have you ever noticed at times how you may have been “forced” into situations, that perhaps you wouldn’t have chosen at first? A sequence of unforeseen events which ultimately resulted in what could be perceived as harm coming your way, or perhaps you even being forced to “do evil”. Sometimes a more personal example, if you are willing, could help in preventing the group and yourself from reaching the “milk” frustration threshold. Perhaps there are events that repeatedly got louder and louder, but were of the same basic type?

I liked your Hitler example because it is one that I have struggled with for some time and I think it represents a good case study for attempting to understand some of the paradoxes of what is often termed higher thought.

If I perceive from just the perspective of raw numbers – utilitarian, just the perspective of the world we live in – then I could safely say, that absolutely would I take every chance I could to take out Hitler if I knew it would spare the lives of millions. Yet, we both know there is something bigger going on here. He was probably raised up for a purpose, not much different than ol’ Pharaoh of Exodus fame, no?

From another vantage point, those millions are probably going to have to receive their karma somehow or another. So in determining what is good vs. evil, do you see how even attempting to prevent those millions of souls from receiving their karma, could in fact, be evil or perhaps not evil, but incorrect action from a higher perspective? Is this what Paul may have meant when he spoke of being unable to discern good from evil?

Does this mean just sit on our hands and  stick our head in the ground and be all Christ like, or as the Father would do according to you, nothing?  What I find really interesting, is that with the Hitler situation, if you look at the story in depth – it was really bizarre how he did not get taken out. There was a bomb right planted in the same room he was in – that went off! Do you think that perhaps, though his actions were evil from one vantage point, he was in fact “protected” by the laws of the Father until the purpose of Hitler had been completed?

What is of further interest is that those who tried to take him out, did not really get to tell their story until only recently as Hollywood got a hold of it. Do you see the poetry in the whole thing story? While on one level it was horrible, on another level – something else was going on?


Warm Fuzzies

Thursday, April 23rd, 2009

“The person who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world, will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend or thing that offers him refuge and comfort and encourages their old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the difficulty and pass courageously through it. Only to the extent that a person exposes himself over and over again to annihilation, can that which is indestructible be found within them. In this daring lies dignity and the spirit of true awakening.” – Zen teacher Kalfried von Durkheim

Meet us in the Clouds?

Tuesday, November 25th, 2008

“After my departure there will arise the ignorant and the crafty, and many things will they ascribe unto Me that I never spake, and many things which I did speak will they withhold, but the day will come when the clouds (fog) shall be rolled away…” ~Jesus, The Essene Gospel of Peace

The rapture faction seems to always quote the various passages that discuss “meeting in the clouds”. Were these the clouds that were meant instead?

Go ye, then, into all the world and take possession of all lands in the name of the Pope. He who will not accept him as the Vicar of Jesus and his Vice-regent on earth, let him be accursed and exterminated.

~Oath of the Jesuit Order

I haven’t yet verified this last quote – so please check yourself first!

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